Legal Shoopuf
by Raine-Weather
Summary: It's time for yet another pointless quest for a pointless item! HURRAH! Even if YOU don't like them, I do!


DISCLAIMER: I am not CLAMP. But if I were… that would be kind of cool. Being four people. Or would I just have a four-way split personality? Hmm…

Oh well.

LEGAL SHOOPUF!

START SHOOPUF

" MY HAIR ISN'T STUPID!" Kudo yelled.

" Is too." Said Rikuo.

" WHY!" Rikuo demanded, because he had yelled at Rikuo without even CONSIDERING in the first place that their might be a legimate reason for Rikuo to call his hair stupid.

" It's uneven. One side is way longer than the other. That makes no sense." Rikuo said, pointing at Kudo's strange hair.

ARGH! And so Rikuo was right! One side of Kudo's hair was… INSANELY longer than the other! To the point in which it made you stare and wonder, and wonder how it got that way. And then, frusturated when you couldn't come up with an explanation, you just became so angry that you said… " Kazahaya, you hair is STUPID."

" That doesn't make it stupid!" Kudo whined.

" How do you even get it that way?" Rikuo asked in a bored voice, stacking random things on the shelves. I don't know if he was actually putting the right things on the right shelves. Maybe he was just randomly putting them there.

" I…I…" Kudo stopped. Even HE didn't know how his hair got that way. It had been uneven from the earliest time he could remember. He stopped and started to question his hair himself. Why didn't the other side ever catch up? Why did he wake up with all of it on one side in the morning?

" Do you just use a lot of hairspray secretly or something?" Rikuo asked, genuninely curious.

" I DON'T USE HAIRSPRAY!" Kudo yelled, getting WAY too offended. I mean, come on, someone who looks like him wouldn't be PAST using a LITTLE hairspray.

" You have to. There's no other explanation." Rikuo said, bored again, and began stacking random things again.

" IMPOSHIBIBBLE!" Exclaimed Shoopuf Dude.

_Rikuo thinks he's so funny, making jokes like that. _Kudo said, turning around to the cash register to have his bitchy inner-monologue. _But he's just a stupid idiot._ _And I have no secret romantic feelings for him, whatsoever_

That's right. Keep telling yourself that Kudo.

Anyway, all of a sudden… there was an ACTUAL CUSTOMER in the Green Drugstore! OH MY GOD! IT'S A MIRACLE!

" Hello." Said a random man we'll call Customer Charlie.

" Oh! Hello!" Said Kudo.

" Do you have any Nyquil?" Asked Customer Charlie. " My sinuses are really acting up."

" Um… yeah-" Kudo started to say.

" I mean, REALLY BAD." Said Customer Charlie,then took out a kleenex and blew his nose in a disgusting manner. " Hear that?"

" Yeah…" Said Kudo uncomfortably, not really sure if listening to someone blow their nose was a part of his job. " Well, I think Nyquil is down on aisle 2."

" You THINK? Do you KNOW? Did you see some earlier? Or are you just SORT of sure that you saw Nyquil, and now you're getting my hopes up when it may turn out that no Nyquil will be there at all?" Said Customer Charlie in a very serious look.

" Um…well…I…" Said Kudo.

" Can't you look it up on the computer?" Said Customer Charlie.

Kudo STARTED to tell Customer Charlie that it really wouldn't hurt him to just walk over and look for himself, but of course Kudo is a shy guy around strangers, so he turned on the computer and typed in Nyquil.

" Yep. There's Nyquil." Said Kudo.

" Let me see." Said Customer Charlier.

Kudo sighed and turned the computer around so Customer Charlie could see. Customer Charlie looked at it for a loooong time, then finally gave it the Customer Charlie Nod of Satisfaction.

" Aisle 2 is right there." Said Kudo, pointing to aisle 2.

" Are you SURE?" Said Customer Charlie. " That's not really aisle 3 or something?"

" YES!" Said Kudo, losing his temper. " I AM SURE THAT IS AISLE 2, AND I'M SURE THERE'S NYQUIL THERE! GOD!"

" Whoa! Calm down, uneven hair boy! You should learn to be nicer to someone with sinus trouble!" Then Customer Charlie sniffed, and walked down aisle 2. Kudo groaned and began to pout because now that's TWO times today someone has pointed out his unatrual hairstyle.

" I can't find the Nyquil!" Customer Charlie shouted.

Kudo took a couple of deep breaths to calm himself down, then went down to aisle 2. Rikuo was still packing random things onto shelves boredly.

" Right here." Kudo said, pointing to the Nyquil.

" How much is it?" Asked Customer Charlie.

" 2.95." Said Kudo, looking at the price.

" Are you sure it's not on discount or anything, and that you're not overpricing me?" Customer Charlie demanded.

" NO." Said Kudo.

" Okay, okay." Said Customer Charlie, and let Kudo lead him back to the Cash Register, where yet ANOTHER random customer was waiting! We'll call her Other Customer Sally.

" I've been WAITING." Said Other Customer Sally impatiently even though she'd only been waiting for like five seconds.

" Sorry." Said Kudo, stepping behind the counter and glaring at Rikuo for not taking the register. " What are you paying for?"

" HEY!" Said Customer Charlie. " I was here first!"

" I didn't see you in line when I got here." Said Other Customer Sally.

" I was here LIGHTYEARS before you, sweetheart." Customer Charlie scoffed like Carson.

" Excuse me!"

" SIR! WILL YOU PLEASE PAY FOR YOUR NYQUIL AND GO! AND THEN MA'AM, WILL YOU PLEASE WAIT FIVE SECONDS! THANK YOU VERY MUCH!" Kudo yelled at the top of his lungs.

The two customers stared at Kudo, then started making little comments to each other.

" That's one rude kid. Too much rap music." Said Customer Charlie.

" I'm never shopping HERE again." Said Other Customer Sally.

Then both of them paid for their stuff and left. Then they exploded. Why did they explode? Well…

I think now is the time to introduce the very popular theory called, Hayley's Theory of Explosion. See, if someone, ANYONE just isn't important and isn't going to appear more than once, they simply explode. Just like that. You know those buses that you take just ONCE in your life, and you know that bus driver? He will just simply drive off and explode when the time comes.

So the exploding customers left Kudo sitting at the cash register, very tired and very emotional. So OF COURSE Rikuo had to come up and make him feel even worse.

" Nice going. Kakei isn't going to like it if you lose us customers."

" IT'S NOT MY FAULT!" Kudo yelled.

" I'm not going to like what?" Said Kakei, appearing out of nowhere.

" ARGH!" Yelled Kudo, falling over while Rikuo just stood there.

" Uh… that is… Kakei-san… uh…" Said Kudo, trying to come up with the words to explain his misadventure with Customer Charlie.

" That's okay." Kakei chuckled like Kureno. " I already know."

" But… but how?" Kudo asked.

" HE'S PRECOGNITIVE! DITZ!" The whole world screamed at Kudo.

" Anyway… are you two boys up for a…special job?" Kakei asked mysteriously, making it sound a lot more X-rated than it probably will be.

_A special job! I have to, for money! I just hope I don't have to work together with Rikuo!_ Kudo thought, even though he ALWAYS works with Rikuo, and past experience should tell him to just keep hoping NOT to.

" Okay!" Said Kudo.

" How about you, Rikuo?" Kakei asked with his harmless little smile.

" Whatever." Said Rikuo, happy to do anything besides stack those crazy little boxes.

" AW MAN! I DON'T WANNA WORK WITH RIKUO!" Kudo whined but he was ignored.

" Okay then! Let's get started!" Said Kakei cheerfully, waving a little fan that appeared from nowhere.

" But what about the store? We're still open." Said Kudo.

Kakei shrugged. OH WELL! It's not like that stupid drugstore was IMPORTANT or anything. Besides, he knew it wouldn't hurt buisness because… he can tell the future! Therefore he doesn't even have to worry!

Must be nice.

" Ready, boy?" Saiga said, falling on top of Kudo from the ceiling.

" ARGH!" Said Kudo then lay there limply as Saiga picked himself up and let everyone wonder how he managed to fall from the ceiling. Except for Kakei who had been expecting it. But YOU knew that. DA-HUCK!

" What do you mean ready? Are you two coming too?" Kudo asked after he managed to stand up again.

" That's right! Aren't you happy, boy?" Saiga chuckled like Kureno, glomping Kudo again.

Kudo decided to not say he was really that happy about it. " Wow. You guys have never come with us on the special assigments before!"

" That's true, Kudo-kun. Usually I trust you to go out and find my random, nonsensical items that have no point whatsoever other than to provide a reason for you and Rikuo to accidently get into suggestive situations alone. But today… is different." Said Kakei and whipped out a Puchiko Charat hat. " Now put this on."

" What? Why?" Kudo asked, staring at the hat. " Will I need it for something?"

" No." Said Kakei. " It's just cute."

Kudo stared at the hat. Then he stared at Kakei who was still smiling.

" But I don't really want to…" He whined.

" Put on the hat… or maybe something unpleasant will happen to you." Kakei said with the same expression on his face.

" O-okay…" Kudo said in a scared voice then put on the ridiculously silly Puchiko hat. Then he hung his head in shame as some random kid laughed at him like Nelson on the Simpsons.

" Okay! Now we're off! Ha-ha-ha!" Said Saiga, opening the door for them all to pile out.

" At least now there's something on your head stupider than your hair." Said Rikuo.

" SHUT UP!" Said Kudo getting mad over something even a kindgergartener could probably have ignored.

" Rikuo is just jealous because we didn't get him a hat!" Saiga laughed, randomly putting an arm around Kakei to grope him. But Kakei had been expecting it so he didn't mind. HEY! Wouldn't that be weird, KNOWING everytime you're about to get groped? Would it just not be the same? I think it would.

Must be strange.

_I wonder what kind of random Cardcaptor Sakura misadventure we'll have THIS time! _Kudo thought, then frowned when they came to a stop in front of Mcdonalds.

" Why are we here?" Kudo asked.

" You'll see." Said Kakei mysteriously as he and Saiga walked ambigously into the Mcdonalds. Rikuo rolled his eyes and followed while Kudo continued to wonder why on earth they were going into a Mcdonalds.

Even though this doesn't happen in real life… a random Mcdonalds employee was waiting for them in front of the Mcdonalds! " Hello!" He said. " Welcome to Mcdonalds!" Then he exploded.

" Shall we get something to eat before we start?" Kakei asked everyone even though he already knew their answers.

" Alright! I love Mcdonalds!" Saiga laughed foolishly.

" I know you do." Said Kakei, patting him on the back. Kudo and Rikuo just stared at both of them with blank looks.

" Then I'll go order. The three of you get a table." Said Kakei, drifting over to the counter.

" But Kakei-san doesn't know our orders!" Kudo exclaimed ditzily.

" Don't worry your pretty little head, boy." Saiga chuckled like Kureno, glomping Kudo again. " Don't fret about things everyone else has figured out by now."

" I still don't understand…" Kudo said in a little voice, holding onto his Puchiko hat.

" ONE MORE TIME! HE'S PRECOGNITIVE! ARGH!" The whole world screamed.

Saiga, Kudo and Rikuo sat between That Buddy Barn Guy on his Buddy Barn lunch break and poor fruit bat turned Regent Cid. Kudo sat next to Rikuo because he'd had enough random glomping from Saiga for one day.

Bored, Kudo began to read the little paper stand-up thing that talks about the 99 menu. But then Rikuo put his giant elbow in front of it and blocked it. Kudo let out a little squeak of protest, then closed his mouth when Rikuo looked at him.

" What?" Said Rikuo.

" Nothing." Said Kudo quickly.

Rikuo looked back at where he had just put in his elbow, then raised one eyebrow at Kudo. " Are you mad because I blocked the 99 menu advertisement?"

" NO!" Kudo lied.

" If you really want to read something so stupid, here." Said Rikuo, scooting the little menu thing over to Kudo.

" I DON'T!" Kudo yelled, embarassed, and refused to look at the menu thing in front of him the whole time until Kakei came and placed it to the side to make room for Kudo's fish filet sandwich. Rikuo got a quarter pounder because he's that kind of guy. And Saiga got a Big Mac because he's that kind of guy. And Kakei got a parfait because he's THAT kind of guy.

" Itkadekimasu!" Said everyone before eating Mcdonalds. I think I'm going to do that next time I go to Mcdonalds and see how many people give me confused looks.

" So… uh… what exactly do we have to do here at Mcdonalds? Besides eat?" Kudo asked.

" We'll be needing your powers, Kudo-kun." Said Kakei.

" What about mine?" Rikuo asked.

" No… not yours." Said Kakei apologetically.

" That's because your powers are stupid, Rikuo." Kudo said spitefully.

" They're not." Rikuo replied calmly.

" THEY ARE TOO!" Kudo argued heatedly. " 'Look at me! I'm Rikuo! I can break locks and snap rope!' I could do that with a hammer and a pair of scissors!"

Rikuo didn't reply, even though for once Kudo had made a pretty valid point.

" Now that everyone's full…" Said Kakei once everyone was full, " We can move on with the mission."

" How did you know we were full?" Kudo asked.

" Don't make me hurt you." The whole world told him.

So then the four of them moved on into… the PLAYPLACE.

" Uh… is there a kid with a magic coat that we're supposed to find?" Kudo asked, deciding he'd give his OWN precognitive abilities a try!

" No." Smiled Kakei. " This way." Then he led them over to everyone's favorite pit… the BALL pit! Remember being thrown in and having balls thrown at you as a child? I DO!

" The Ball Pit?" Kudo asked.

" Yes. The Ball Pit. Go on, Kudo-kun. We'll be cheering you on from here." Said Kakei.

" But-but, why do I have to go in there!" Kudo demanded.

" I need you to find the gold ball in the ball pit then read it's memories." Said Kakei. Then everyone wondered if Kakei really just sent them on these missions because he was bored and needed the entertainment.

" Okay… I need the money…" Kudo told himself, and crawled into the ball pit.

" You look like an idiot." Rikuo said as Saiga laughed hysterically in the background.

" SHUT UP!" Said Kudo and spent the next five minutes digging through the ball pit, slipping and sliding, grasping and searching for that ball. It took him FOREVER because those balls are just so gosh darn hard to move through! Finally, however, he found the GOLD BALL PIT BALL!

Kudo closed his eyes and began to read the ball's crazy memories. They went something like this:

A GOLDEN BALL'S MEMORIES

Well, I was born and made by illegal immigrant children in a company in Argentina. Then I was shipped with many of my ball brothers to a factory in Delaware where people painted us for minimum wage. But I was SPECIAL. I fell into a pot of gold paint, and instead of doing me over in green, or red, or purple, they left me gold. Then I landed here in Mcdonalds and have been inserted into many smelly children's mouths since then.

THE END

"…that's it." Said Kudo, relating the history to Kakei.

" Good job!" Said Kakei, patting Kudo on the head, and taking the golden ball and tucking it mysteriously always somewhere.

" But… but what was the point!" Kudo protested.

" Get out before you slip, Kudo-kun." Said Kakei, covering up the fact that there WAS no point! ARGH!

" So… that was actually a job?" Kudo said in a very confused voice.

" Well… actually, we just wanted to have lunch at Mcdonalds. But this was fun too." Kakei chuckled like Kureno.

" Do I still get paid?" Kudo wondered.

" Sure." Said Kakei.

" YAAAY!" Cheered Kudo.

" Although you'll be splitting it with Rikuo." Kakei added.

" WHAT! BUT HE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING! ALL HE DID WAS EAT A HAMBURGER!" Kudo yelled, pointing to Rikuo who was just standing there innocently.

" That's the breaks, kid!" Saiga laughed.

" AW MAN!" Said Kudo.

THE END.

And now… for what happened to everyone!

Kudo continued to be ambiguous with Rikuo and have hair that doesn't make sense!

Rikuo continued to be ambiguous with Kudo and have hair that makes TOO much sense!

Kakei continued to be ambiguous with Saiga and have hair that doesn't make sense!

Saiga continued to be ambiguous with Kakei and have hair that makes too much sense but makes up for it with his shades!

The unimportant people exploded.

Buddy Barn Guy went off to wherever it was Buddy Barn Guy's go.

Poor Fruit Bat turned Cid flapped off to find someone who could help him.

And Shoopuf Dude-

STOP SHOOPUF

Kureno Chuckle Count: 4

Jay and Silent Bob will Return in ' Shoopuf Basket Platinum'

See You Space Shoopuf…


End file.
